Firefly 2013: Too Big for its Britches

Neal Gee
May 11, 2014

I should be working on my dissertation right now. But Iím not. I should also have written this article months ago. But I didnít. Consequently what you are getting is a half assed effort to sum up last years Firefly Festival. But, I think that half an ass is the correct number of asses, as the 2013 Firefly Festival overstayed itís welcome. By how much? By one half of an ass. Now that Iíve got you scratching your head as to whether this article was written by an idiot or not, and let me assure you, it most certainly was, as native Delawarean I think thereís certain things you need to be aware of. In no particularly order:

This is not an article about Firefly 2012 (see: http://www.brutalhorse.com/articles/25/firefly-festival-the-last-bastion-of-the-hippie), nor is this an article about the musical acts of Firefly 2013. Instead, this is an article as to why I will never go to Firefly again. Such a pity, I know. But after one year, Firefly grew too big for its britches. It was living too high on the hog. Before I put all my metaphors in one basket, I submit to you, the reader, the following 25 22 (I got bored) exhibits on why this years Firefly festival jumped the shark.

Too big
Figure 1: Too big.

Too many people
Figure 2: Too many people.

Too many bands to try to see
Figure 3: Too many bands to try to see.

Commute took too damn long, I ainít got time for that
Figure 4: Commute took too damn long (I ainít got time for that).

Internet connection got worse
Figure 5: Internet connection got worse.

Too crowded in the Dogfish head brewery tent
Figure 6: Too crowded in the Dogfish head brewery tent.

Too many tourists
Figure 7: Too many tourists.

Too expensive, have you seen this years cost
Figure 8: Too expensive (have you seen this year’s cost?!).

How am I even supposed to buy a 3-day pass for a deal
Figure 9: How am I even supposed to buy a 3-day pass for a deal?

Walking to the venue took too long
Figure 10: Walking to the venue took too long.

Why did I have to wait so long to have my civil liberties violated
Figure 11: Why did I have to wait so long to have my civil liberties violated?

And to have my umbrella taken away
Figure 12: And to have my umbrella taken away? (seriously, what am I gonna do with that, Mary Poppins my way to the VIP seats?)

It smelled ALMOST as bad as Bourbon St at 1am
Figure 13: It smelled ALMOST as bad as Bourbon St at 1am.

More hipsters than at a free tour of the Brooklyn Brewery
Figure 14: More hipsters than at a free tour of the Brooklyn Brewery.

More merchandise means more child labor
Figure 15: More merchandise means more child labor (Gap was the official vendor).

More excrement that Sunday night at Buffalo Wild Wings
Figure 16: More excrement that Sunday night at Buffalo Wild Wings.

Damn you Lumineers
Figure 17: Damn you Lumineers (weíll see if this year fairs better)!

Whatever, I donít even like Passion Pit
Figure 18: Whatever, I donít even like Passion Pit.

Not funny if you have diabetes
Figure 19: Not funny if you have diabetes.

You know what, Iíd probably be one if I could afford it
Figure 20: You know what, Iíd probably be one if I could afford it.

John Snow is rolling over in his grave
Figure 21: John Snow is rolling over in his grave.

Oh good more violations of my liberties Yay
Figure 22: Oh good more violations of my liberties! Yay!
neal.gee@brutalhorse.com
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