Delaware Power Poll #1

Editor, Brutalhorse.com
March 9, 2012

T
o most people Delaware consists of the 23 mile stretch of I-95 they pass through on the way to Baltimore, DC, or far more interesting southern points. A $4 toll at the DE/MD border makes traveling that stretch the most expensive in the country at 17 cents per mile. But wait! Delaware, while only the 2nd to last largest state in the country, is actually 96 miles long! Of course, aside from the beaches, while anything below “the canal” as locals call it [officially known as the Chesapeake and Delaware Canal, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chesapeake_and_Delaware_Canal] is entirely forgettable, tucked in the Northwest corner of Delaware is the city of Wilmington, where your humble Brutal Horsemen reside. We’re not claiming that Wilmington is “a place to be somebody” as the city’s slogan goes, no, but the following is a Top Ten list of reasons to consider getting off 95 at DE exit 7 the next time you’re traveling to DC to view Washington’s legendary penis [see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Washington_Monument].

10. CR McButtplugs

Website: http://www.catherinerooneys.com/hooligans/

CR McHooligans is a sports bar attached to Catherine Rooneys. For a period of about nine months, Brett consistently dragged people to CRMH for happy hour, Friday nights, and any other group event that required a place that sold hot wings and draft beer. Somewhere along the line, a regular joke developed whereby the name of the bar became CR Mc “something dirty.” Favorites have included CR McButtplugs, CR McPubesinteeth, and CR McAsstomouth. As for the actual bar, the friendly service and happy hour deals slightly outweigh the gross draft beer and the meat market atmosphere, but not by much. Would be lower if not for the joke.

9. Shady Cigar Store

The cigar store on the corner of DuPont and W. 16th St. is an enigma regardless of the time of day you drive by. It’s closed Sunday through Thursday, but when it is open, it’s filled people in expensive suits smoking expensive cigars. Here’s three quick anectdotes. (1) Ray and Brett walked by at midnight over the summer and there was a police officer in full uniform gallivanting outside with a crowd of about fifteen people. (2) During that trip, the proprietor asked if they wanted a drink. It turned out that a drink was a plastic cup full of liquor that was kept behind the bar and it cost $10 just to hang out in the general area. (3) Finally, Brett went in to buy cigars for a bachelor party. When he entered, the guy behind the counter and the person sitting in the lounge kept saying “He doesn’t fucking get it” back and forth while Brett was sitting in front of the register. During the logical end point of them going back and forth saying the same thing, Brett blurted out “He just doesn’t fucking get it!” which drew two shocked stares from both of them. Seeing that they didn’t know how to respond, Brett chuckled, said “Anyway, I’ll take matches with that”, and vowed never to go back in ever again.

8. Delaware Roller Derby Team

Website: http://diamondstaterollergirls.com/dsrg/

We don’t pretend to know much about Women’s Roller Derby, other than that it’s played by tatted-up women that are probably much stronger than any of us. The Wilmington City Ruff Rollers are our local team [see http://www.wilmingtonruffrollers.com/team.php] who recently had a name change to become the Diamond State Roller Girls. The Diamon State Roller Girls might be higher if they didn’t hog the Christiana Roller Skating rink every Tuesday and Thursday night to practice, but they might also be lower had Brett and Ray’s now-defunct band Seabass once played at a charity event they hosted. They’re tough gals with hearts of gold!

7. Neal’s Rooftop Oasis

Our friend Neal lived in the third floor of a three unit multiplex in Trolley Square. The apartment had slanted ceilings, window unit air conditioners, and was the size of a mid-sized sedan. Even with those limitations, it was the greatest apartment in Trolley Square because you could crawl out of his bathroom window onto his of an adjacent rooftop to drink beers and grill food. It didn’t matter that there were roaches everywhere, or that it was covered in tar making it excruciatingly hot, or even that you had to climb out of a small bathroom window to get out to the roof. It was a fantastic place to hang out, drink Bud Light Limes and enjoy the company of friends. This would be higher if Neal didn’t move to the second floor of the unit and now has a spacious, gorgeous, and infinitely less fun porch.

6. The Briscoe Brothers

Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Briscoe_Brothers

The Briscoe Brothers are tag-team professional wrestlers from Sandy Beach, DE, and as such are the only thing south of the canal in the Power Poll. They compete in Ring of Honor wrestling, which is a good time if you like heckling meatheads and B-list professional wrestlers. The Brisco Brothers would be much lower on the Power Poll, but their fans scare the shit out of me.

5. Rumors of a Movie Theater

The waterfront in Wilmington, DE is like a TV show with great critical acclaim that gets cancelled for having terrible ratings. It has classy restaurants, museums, an affordable gym, luxurious housing, and absolutely no people. Nobody lives there, nobody goes there, and outside of Friday happy hour, it’s a ghost town. This spot in the power poll goes to the rumor of a movie theater being put on the waterfront to attract people. The pros are that there’s only one good movie theater in the area, it would bring people to the waterfront for other attractions, and there’s plenty of space, money and availability for a theater to be built there. The cons are that I made it up and presently there are no plans on building it outside of my head and this blogpost. That’s why this isn’t higher on the powerpoll.

4. Catherine Rooney’s Soccer & Future Spouses

Website: http://www.catherinerooneys.com/home/

Basketball, hockey, and soccer are similar sports to me. They all involve running, odd ways of handling a ball (or puck), and shooting for some type of protected goal. Where they differ is that basketball and hockey stink, and soccer does not. It’s played on an expansive, epic field by guys that spend as much time on their hair as their training regiment and has the leisurely pace of baseball. The biggest drawback of soccer is that the only good kind is (sorry, MLS) played in Europe so the live matches are on at strange times in the US. Fortunately, Catherine Rooney’s in Trolley Square opens early to accommodate. Spending Sunday mornings at a bar is great fun, if you don’t mind ruining your entire Sunday. NFL playoff weekends are especially bad as they provide essentially 10 hours of excuses to drink beer all day. If not for this problem, Rooney’s soccer Sundays would be higher on the Power Poll. Oh, Brett and Ray both met their wives while singing karaoke at Rooney’s one Friday night, otherwise Rooney’s as a whole might be lower in the Power Poll. Wives rule!

3. Delaware Park Racetrack & Casino

Website: http://www.delpark.com/

What started out as a place to waste money on football gambling has turned into not just a place to waste money on football gambling, but also a place to get drunk during the day and waste money on horse gambling. Delaware Park is a casino with table games, slot machines, football gambling, and live horse racing 6 months of the year. We stick mostly with live horse betting these days, but, as with most horse tracks, you can bet any other track in the country via betting terminals that even take credit cards. Yikes. A not-so-great aspect of Delaware Park, and the primary reason it isn’t higher in the power poll, is its creepy time portal: it allows you to look into the future and see yourself if you spend too much time at Delaware Park. Here’s a hint: it involves brain damage and an oxygen tank. Stay hydrated with Bud Light Limes on hot summer days and stave your hunger with wrinkled hot dogs and gross pizza on those 7-hour gambling sessions. Just don’t drink the draft beer.

2. El Diablo Burritos

Yelp: http://www.yelp.com/biz/el-diablo-burritos-wilmington

I am sucker for advertising. Just yesterday during lunch, I saw a commercial that said Pretzel M & M’s have more pretzel flavor, so at the conclusion of said commercial, I turned the TV off, went to the closet gas station, bought a double-sized snack pack, ate the whole thing, and got sick. So when I saw a sign in the Trolley Square Shopping Center that said “EL DIABLO BURRITO COMING SOON!” I could barely handle the four months of waiting. When it finally opened, I went four times the first week and now the people who own the place know me by my first name. Distinguishing characteristics include the availability of short ribs, goat cheese, pineapple habanero salsa, and other delicious-looking ingredients that I don’t order because I like my regular burrito too much to deviate from it. Jess is particularly fond of their seasonal fish tacos which are decidedly the best (i.e. the only) ones this side of the Brandywine. This has the potential for number one, but you can’t go here for lunch because heavy Mexican food for lunch is a joke that I’m too mature to make at age 30.

1. Dead Presidents Restaurant & Pub

Website: http://www.deadpresidentspub.com/

What can we really say about Dead Presidents Pub & Restaurant without gushing? Well, it was closed for a while and reopened with new management at one point. Other than that, Dead Presidents is home to Karl, Veronica, and a whole host of welcoming bartenders. They’re the originators of the Ol’ Veronica, a delicious 5-hour-energy infused shot, and the Blime bomb, an even more delicious bomb consisting of a shot of Southern Comfort and Lime dropped in a Bud Light Lime. If all that doesn’t entice you, they have a jukebox and a somewhat hipster clientele that gets annoyed when you play Katy Perry’s album Teenage Dream in its entirety.

editor@brutalhorse.com
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