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Neal's Meals

Corona is too Classy For Me

In this exciting new Neal’s Meals, Neal eats more crap!


The Squared Circle

Combat Zone Wrestling

Brett returns with an extensive review of Combat Zone Wrestling’s Proving Ground, set in Vorhees, NJ. Multiple choice question: I was unable to attend because: a) I had Mother’s Day activities to attend, b) I wanted to see The Ready Set play at the Wilmington Flower Market, c) the Youtube videos of CZW’s sweaty men profusely bleeding put me off, or d) all of the above!!


Energy Kitchen

Five Banger Power Poll

With the release of cherry Five Hour Energy, Brett revisits the Five Hour Energy Power Poll, which was buried in our very first article. Astute readers will remember that Brett amended the power poll once already when pink lemonade was release, but now it’s getting the full article treatment. Will berry remain on the bottom???


Debate Club

Autonomous Cars

Like any group of friends, we here at Brutal Horse aren’t strangers to the occasional heated debate. But unlike most friends, we’ve decided to put our arguments to the test through the Brutal Horse Debate Club. In our first edition, Neal and Ray go toe-to-toe on the timeframe of self-driving cars.


Hard Entertainment

Firefly 2013: Too Big for its Britches

While this may be a bit late, for those of you still waffling on purchasing a Firefly 2014 ticket, Neal breaks down last year’s Firefly Music Festival. Now maybe the most notable thing about Delaware, the Firefly festival started in 2012 and brought some major label talent to our humble state. In 2013, the festival grew, much to Neal’s chagrin.


Neal's Meals

Golden Corral: An Elkton Excursion

In his first edition of Neal’s Meals, Neal breaks down the experience of eating lousy buffet food at a gas station. Oh and it’s in Elkton, MD. I know the folks at Golden Corral aren’t aiming for that elusive first Michelin star, but they should at least aim to not make their patrons sick.


Overwrought Reviews

Famous Turds Barcrawl

Delaware is home to many things, the fantastic Blue Rocks minor league baseball team, Scrumptious frozen yogurt, and Joe Biden, just to name a few, but probably the best thing about the ol’ DE is the collection of Famous Taverns. The Famous Taverns are a bare-bones way to get hammered: Every drink is $3 and you can gamble. Why leave? One pleasant Fall night the Brutal Horse staff decided to visit every Famous Tavern and document their experience.


Hard Entertainment

McDungeons and Dragons Club, Mac!

Dungeons and Dragons, first published in 1974, is a table-top role-playing game loved by nerds and reviled by everyone else. When Neal first suggested getting a D&D game together, most of us balked, but he persisted. What has come of Neal’s semi-serious suggestion has been a monthly dinner party and D&D night, filled with inside jokes and delicious food.


Triple Crown Part 2: Frontrunners

In part two of his Triple Crown series, Brett recounts Brutalhorsefest II, our annual party and celebration of Delaware Park and our fine website. Lessons were learned, life-changing decisions made, and Blimes were drank by all . . . four of us.


State of the Phils

State of the Phils: Sixty Games In

With more than a third of the season in the bag, how do our fine Phillies fare? Don’t bother watching three hour long baseball games everyday, ask Brett and Justin.


Infallible Gambling

The Triple Crown Part 1: Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

Brett’s back in the saddle with his retelling of the 2013 Kentucky Derby. Will it be steak or salad this year? Red Lobster Friendlies? $10 cigars or $5 cigars? You get the idea.


Energy Kitchen

Building a Better Veggie Burger

Store-bought and homemade veggie burgers are usually pretty disappointing on the grill. Ray takes inspiration from greasy, fatty, drippy hamburgers to develop a new veggie burger recipe, fit for the summer.


Overwrought Reviews

The Hobbit, Reviewed

All epic adventures must start somewhere: Spider-Man was bitten by a mutant spider and spurred to fight crime by his uncle’s untimely death, Superman came from another planet and was empowered by our Sun’s specific radiation frequencies, and Bilbo Baggins sat around and complained about dwarves getting mud on his carpet. Read on for Brett’s review of Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit, complete with handy viewer’s guide.


Jessie on the Cute Beat

Stuffed Animals at the Delaware Natural History Museum

JotCB is back, this time Jess caught some cuteness in its natural habitat.


State of the Phils

State of the Phils: Three Games In

Brett Whitehead and Boomer Augustine are good friends who also happen to be Phillies season ticket holders. Periodically, Brett and Boomer will share their thoughts on the season, and how it relates to unrelated anecdotes of when they got drunk more often together.


The Squared Circle

A Rumination on Wrestling (or My Review of the Royal Rumble)

Though the Royal Rumble has come and gone, relive the madness through Neal Gee’s review. He slaps and pounds you with his inappropriate, metaphor-driven prose. He teases and delights with prolonged fore-story. And, after he’s long outworn his welcome, climax!


Hard Entertainment

American Idol Fantasy Draft

Upset that Fantasy Football season is over? Is Fantasy Basketball a boring waste of time since someone in your league has LeBron James locked up in a three year contract? Try the American Idol Fantasy League!


The Squared Circle

Kevin Steen: Descent Into Madness

In this review of Ring of Honor DVD, Kevin Steen: Descent into Madness, Brett breaks down the long feud between a fat guy and a guy who pretends not to understand Engilsh. How many chairs to the head will it take El Generico to learn how to say “concussion?”


Brutal Horse's Urban Dictionary

Hey mac! Ever wonder what “mac” means? Of course you have! Read on for our definitions of big cats, bears of all different shades, blime bombs, and Neal’s attempts to subvert our chosen lexicon. Our Brutal Horse Urban dictionary is a running glossary of our favorite terms, sure to be updated as it grows.


Hammer Time

Hammers v. Man U FA Cup Extravaganza!

Jess rejoins the Hammers, this time live(magic DVR time shifted!)-blogging their FA cup match-up against the hated Manchester United. How will West Ham’s new man-child Joe Cole fare against preeminent fancy-boy Robin van Persie? It may have happened two weeks ago but we still don’t know!


Infallible Gambling

Mascot Wars II: Party Funding

In this second installment of Mascot Wars, Brett picks this week’s playoff games based on strength of mascot of each team. The most thrilling matchup involves a baby horse and a dull bird! Who will win and will Brett earn enough ill-gotten dollar bills to fund his “Big Game” party?


Jessie on the Cute Beat

Animals with their Own Instagram Feeds

Jessie on the Cute Beat is back! This time, she fills us in on some animals with their own Instagram accounts.


Hard Entertainment

Brutal Horse Tank

Shark Tank, a fabulous hour of television, has inspired Neal Gee to create our own, more personal version. Who will chum the waters of these scurvy, swashbuckling sea dogs and emerge king killer whale of Davey Jones’ locker? Arr?


Wasted Physics

Binge Drinking Dynamics

Binge drinking is all over the TV these days. According to 20/20 and other such sensationalist shows, college kids are participating in this dangerous activity at an alarmingly high rate. We here at Brutal Horse are not here to judge, but we decided to try to determine what’s going on in our bodies during a brown-out session.


Procedural Business

Brutal Horse: One Year In

It’s been one year since we launched brutalhorse.com. Since then, we’ve been most sought on Google by bestiality connoisseurs, but we’ve also attracted a few, non-creepy readers. So for you, our non-creepy readers, we’d like to humbly submit a comprehensive update to our favorite articles over the past year.


A.dit on the Cine-beat

Alien(s)

Our newest contributer pits herself against the scary beasts of the Alien trilogy. What’s scarier, face-sucking space monsters or basement crickets?


Overwrought Reviews

How Much Revenge Is Too Much Revenge?

Looking for a new drama this Fall season? Try some Revenge! Sweet revenge! Served cold!


Infallible Gambling

Mascot Wars

Point spreads on NFL games are designed to foil the gambling public, giving Vegas an edge. But—like the much-ballyhooed MIT blackjack, card counting team showed the world—gambling systems do in fact exist that can bring the power to the people. Join us in picking NFL games based on mascot-on-mascot action!


Brutal Politics

Handicapping the Wilmington Mayoral Race

Want to abolish the city wage tax? Think that Brandywine park is filthy? Did your house get robbed last week? Well these mayoral candidates probably can’t help with any of that, but read about their positions and vote on Tuesday, September 11th!


Hammer Time

Holy Crap!

Breaking news! Andy Carroll to West Ham! Read all about it!


Tony on the Music Beat

Last of the Famous (International Playboys)

Have you heard of Morrissey? If not, many of the bands you like probably have and are directly influenced by him. Don’t let it end there, in this persuasive essay, Tony discusses his discovery of Morrissey and why he’s worth your time.


Hammer Time

Shit Happens

In this second installment of Hammer Time, Jess breaks down West Ham’s first two games. Random acts of hooliganism may or may not be included.


West Ham Season Preview

In this inaugural article, Jess breaks down her new-found love of West Ham, the English Premier League’s newest worst team. Check back as Jess follows their inevitable decline and eventual re-relegation.


The Squared Circle

Two Good Bretts

In another epic wrestling tale, Brett discusses his fateful meeting with Bret “the Hitman” Hart, while detaling Bret’s complex career.


Hard Entertainment

Firefly Festival: The Last Bastion of the Hippie

The Firefly Music Festaval was billed as Delaware’s first large, multi-day concert, designed to attract the biggest national acts. What actually goes down at these festivals is entirely different, as our own Neal Gee recounts.


Jessie on the Cute Beat

Crochet Underwater Animals

It has arrived! The long awaited 5th edition of Jessie on the Cute Beat!


Hard Entertainment

Fantasy Olympics

Every four years the world’s greatest athletes compete for glory, honor, and national pride. Now you can too!


Tony on the Music Beat

Has Alkaline Trio found Pandora – or are they just that diverse?

In his first installment on the Music Beat, our own Tony Alvarez discusses Pandora’s heavy bias towards weird old men playing punk rock.


The Squared Circle

My Trip to Wrestlemania (Or How to Set Goals and Achieve Them)

While Brett recounts his epic adventure to this year’s Wrestlemania in Miami, Florida, he discusses his goals leading up to the event. Why just go to Wrestlemania when you can aspire to drink a beer with a member of Ring of Honor? Will Brett succeed? Will Brett have a hangover?


Jessie on the Cute Beat

Fluffy Dogs

In this 4th installment, Jess takes on fluffy dogs!


Infallible Gambling

The NCAA Formula

Read this story if you want to win money this year. That is all.


Hard Entertainment

Tough Guy Draft

In a given lifetime, there’s a non-zero chance that you’ll have to assemble a crack team of tough guys (or gals). Be prepared! We are! Alternatively, the Tough Guy Draft is a chance to blow off a few hours at work.


Procedural Business

May We Please Have Your Email Address?

Facebook is annoying. Twitter is weird. Email is familiar and reliable, just like us! Please sign up for our newsletter and we promise you’ll be the first to know when our award-winning articles are posted, which means you’ll only hear from us twice a year.


Power Poll

Delaware Power Poll #1

In our first power poll, we break down the ten best things about Delaware. Between roller derby, wrestling, gambling, and bars, Delaware has it all!


Jessie on the Cute Beat

Animals Dressed as Other Animals

Animals are cute. Animals dressed as other animals are exponentially cuter.


Overwrought Reviews

Run For Your Lives, a 5k Zombie Obstacle Course

I have a friend who likes to joke that all zombie movies are the same: There’s a zombie problem . . . and it’s escalating! Unfortunately, Run For Your Lives didn’t quite capture that zombie truism.


Jessie on the Cute Beat

Things that are little/small/tiny/miniature

No one can deny that little things are cute. Even things that are ugly when they’re big are cute when they’re little.


Beer Drinking Royal Rumble

The Oral History of the Beer Drinking Royal Rumble

In 1985, the World Wrestling Federation introduced the Royal Rumble. In 2007, co-geniuses Eli Shaika and Brett Whitehead introduced the Beer Drinking Royal Rumble. Irresponsible drinking has never been the same.


The Squared Circle

Personal Reflections on Pro Wrestling

Is wrestling real? Of course not, but don’t let that stop you from enjoying 300 pound men in underpants pretend to punch each other in the face.


Hard Entertainment

Country Music Rocks and You Suck

Country music might as well be performed by five-headed, three-anused beasts, but our own Bill Santiago manages to infiltrate and be assimilated.


Infallible Gambling

Let's All Go to the Horse Track

If you’re looking for a fun way to win money and not go insane, don’t bet on football, bet on wild animals running in circles!


Energy Kitchen

30-hour ENERGY Cake, a Post-Mortem

An alternative form of energy to the unfairly stigmatized 2 oz. shot, the 30-hour ENERGY cake turned out just as delicious and delightful as a man-eating squid regurgitating anti-freeze directly into your mouth. Yum.


Overwrought Reviews

Source Code

Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Source Code delivers enough nonsense per minute to make even Scientologists blush.


Hard Science

Five Hour Energy Will Not Kill You

5-hour ENERGY has an undeserved reputation, given that it’s just caffeine and vitamins packaged in bile.


Jessie on the Cute Beat

Baby Mammals

There are many cute things out there, baby mammals are just one of them.


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